Beach Walks with Rox » Relationships

Beach Walk 758 – In Honor of Bode’s Gold

Rox — Mon, 22 Feb 2010 08:38:29 +0000

I created this episode in July 2006, talking about the wonder that is Bode Miller and how he goes for the spirit of skiing perhaps more than the medals. Today he won a gold medal, and I think it's worth re-visiting. You'll likely be able to see the changes we have made at Beach Walks over the past four years! Here is the original episode Beach Walk 146.

iPod | 5:30

My hero du jour is Bode Miller, the so-called "bad boy" of downhill skiiing. I really dislike those kinds of labels, especially in cases like this where I believe he is a true ground-breaker. He offers up a very different way to live a life, one that is not invested in the results of what you do. He is one of the most competent skiers on the planet yet he is not invested in winning. He could ski in private, and choose not to be in competition, but part of the deep pleasure he has is giving the spectators an inspirational experience — and more often than not that distinctly includes not winning the race.

What if competition were not just about winning, which means only one person or team gets to be happy with the result? What if it were also about seeing how you perform under pressure? What if were also about being able to go places and do things that are not otherwise available? What if it were about the process and not the result? When it is, there is no way to lose.

Try this on today: Don't get invested in the results of what you do. At it's core, it is a radical thought.

You can read more and watch the CBS video here.

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Beach Walk 750 – USS Nimitz Steel Beach #7

Rox — Mon, 24 Aug 2009 13:41:54 +0000

iPod | 7:35 | To Embed or Email: click above

Rox is back on the beach this week with a little "beachwalks philosophy" debriefing and looking back at the overnight embark on the USS Nimitz. Shane has dropped in a few more clips that we also wanted to share with you. Over the past few decades, it appears the military has learned some things the rest of us are still catching up on. If you provide good training and you have reliable procedures and consequences, then just about anything is doable. The main point stressed to us was that the military exists primarily to prevent war, not win war. The appropriate show of force and the claiming of one's authentic power, can deter the large majority of problems. In recent history, it seems to me more a problem with our civilian leaders than our military leaders in terms of making reasonable decisions. Without rehashing the tired arguments of the past (remember I was a student at Berkeley in the 70's and an antiwar protester and still prefer peace over war), what have you learned from the Nimitz series?

Want to start at the beginning of the Nimitz Series? Click here for Episode 1.
Be sure and check out Melissa Chang's series in the Honolulu Advertiser.
Check out our photos on Flickr.
Watch an actual takeoff here at Bytemarks' blog.
Watch an interview with Admiral John Miller, filmed by Nathan Kam.
See other DV embark reports from Guy Kawasaki, Robert Scoble, Ryan Ozawa, Charline Li, and more links from each of those pages too.

Hawaiian word:
Kāohi: prevent

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Beach Walks 748 – USS Nimitz Steel Beach #5

Rox — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 14:59:45 +0000

iPod | 8:25 | To Embed or Email: click above

Petty Officer Kayla Johnson gives us a tour of the enlisted berthing quarters and talks about the more personal side of being on board an aircraft carrier for six months. Find out about relationships and BBQ's, and take the best seat on the boat with us. It's a sunrise like no other.

Be sure and check out Melissa Chang's series in the Honolulu Advertiser.
Check out our photos on Flickr.
Watch an actual takeoff here at Bytemarks' blog.
Watch an interview with Admiral John Miller, filmed by Nathan Kam.

Hawaiian word:
Pukana lā: sunrise

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Beach Walk 741 – Silence is Divine

Rox — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 21:33:31 +0000

iPod | 4:01 | To Embed or Email: click above

I went on a 5-day silent intensive with Lola Jones a few weeks ago. For me it was pure heaven. I have in the past done 24 hours of silence on my birthday, and loved the clarity I experienced. To be able to ignore all others and go within myself for listening, for sharing, for counsel, was very powerful. There is a lot of noise, especially in my work on the social web (twitter, etc) And much as I love it, I was yearning to talk to the divine, to God directly. I can say that the moment we dropped into silence, having prepared for over 2 weeks, my mind came alive with conversation and insight, as if I were seeing my wise best friend after a very long absence.

Curiously enough, I still became quite close to the others on the retreat. We shared the energy of this experience - far more powerful than sharing words, which fail me so much of the time. There was more to this retreat that I will talk about later. For now, I offer up silence as a way to connect with your #1 - your large self, the divine you. And then you become such a gift to others.

Hawaiian word:
Hāmau: silence

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Beach Walk 734 – Updating the Database

Rox — Mon, 20 Apr 2009 15:18:40 +0000

iPod | 4:19 | To Embed or Email: click above

Updating my database: servers do it automatically every few minutes in some cases- the Internet is so smart, it knows we are constantly changing!

One of the things I am changing is feeling under-appreciated. I had this awareness that I get my satisfaction and pleasure from what I am doing in the moment. Yet I too often have front-loaded and back-loaded things with expectations. They impact the energy and the experience itself. I am choosing to give up that habit as I am a pleasure seeking person! I have re-purposed the pity pot I used to have into a compost bin where my "I am done with that" thoughts go to be reconfigured. Now I ask myself, “Rox, are things being done to you or for you?” This changes the energy in a heart beat. (Because I understand now it's all for me. And it's all good.)

Hawaiian word:
Hōkeo ʻikepili: data bank, collection of information

Beach Walk 731 – Juggle!

Rox — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 18:25:38 +0000

iPod | 4:23 | To Embed or Email: click above

One of the things that is becoming well understood these days is how no one knows everything and how we can really benefit from providing energetic support to each other. One way this plays out, is in how the Beach Walks philosophy has contributed to a new book by Ian Sanders, Juggle! Rethink work, reclaim your life. Now, I have the luxury of seeing some of the ideas I've pondered put onto the page, co-mingled with several great minds! And the opportunity is to continue reflecting and putting more of it into practice - taking ideas into action.

In this episode I talk about Chapter 7 - Get Unplugged. Taking time off from the treadmill of life's ingrained habits and automatic assumptions is a powerful juggler's tip. I am learning from Ian who has transformed his own life. I am hoping my walk catches up with my talk this year.

Hawaiian word:
Juggle: hoʻoleilei

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Beach Walk 719 – Internet Improves Communication

Rox — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 13:18:08 +0000

iPod | 3:31 | To Embed or Email: click above

"Internet Improves Communication" - or at least it does for some of the people some of the time. It can also intrude on other people's conversations, it can be full of falsehoods. Nonetheless in this episode I am talking about the upside of the internet's tools to connect us and add to our sense of community and ability to know more about each other. The Pew Internet Family and Life Project keeps finding that overall, in the aggregate, more people feel they have better communication with family members than before the internet. I know this to be very true in my family.

Hawaiian Word:
Launa ʻōlelo; dialog, communication

P S We are using Viddler. It has a lot of cool features - you can leave a comment right in the video - or even leave a video comment! Please check it out! (You will need to create free account at Viddler to leave a video comment.) To find the vidgets page on viddler, look in the footer at the bottom of the page! Our username is "beachwalks" if you want to make a custom player to put on your web site. Thanks for sharing!

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Support us by buying your own copy of our Beach Walks Theme music.
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Beach Walk 708 – Losing is for Losers

Rox — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 10:01:21 +0000

iPod | 5:09 | To Embed or Email: click above

So I am catching up on Survivor again. It is quite dramatic how losing a challenge becomes so self-defeating, and in itself seems to trigger a cascade of downward performance. I have been wondering what comes first in this chicken or egg scenario - losing or the loser's mentality? If you really want to play the game, then recognize that it is a game and winning or losing don't matter. If you think of yourself as a competent gamer though, you build your psyche and that builds your body and your creativity and your connectivity. When we adopt the loser state of mind, the ability to compete collapses. Today's title is a little strident - but it just seemed to fit.

Hawaiian Word:
Hoʻolilo: to lose

Join us at The Reef for discussion, Reef Radio, and occasional live streaming.
Support us by buying yur own copy of our Beach Walks Theme music.
Please check out our Blogroll page with many more links to our friends' web sites.

Beach Walk 699 – Add Options

Rox — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 10:01:22 +0000

iPod | 4:09 | To Embed or Email: click above

Bottom line: when you have more options there can be less stress. The flip side is that it takes more time, more consciousness, more energy to discover and create the options And having way too many options can create its own form of stress at the other end of the spectrum. But for now, for today, this episode is about how a parent can give a child a few choices enabling then to be true to their inner quirky self without having to be an ungracious rebel. My friend Stacey is a master and I love watching her parent little Kaile.

Hawaiian Word:
Koho: choice

If you purchase a Rama Warrior Meditation Chair, you receive a Free Zendi Portable Meditation Cushion.

Beach Walk 697 – Negotiation Secrets

Rox — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 10:26:39 +0000

iPod | 5:11 | To Embed or Email: click above

I've been putting on this large Free event, Podcamp + Wordcamp Hawaii and we have had many sponsorship opportunities. It's been a great learning opportunity for me in noticing why some deals work better than others. Hint: understanding your true authority.

Hawaiian Word:
Kūkākūkā: negotiate (discuss, confer)

+++ Thank you to our many Podcamp Sponsors! +++
Blip.tv
Blue Hawaii Lifestyle
Hawaii-Aloha.com
Hawaii Convention Center
Hawaii Prince Hotel
Hawaii Visitors & Convention Bureau
High Technology Development Corp.
Johnson & Johnson
KnowHow Cafe
mDialog
Pacific Direct Connect
PacRim Marketing Group
Podcast Connect
Projection Presentation Technology
RawVoice
Road Runner High Speed Internet
Tilzy.tv
UH Center on Disability Studies
Vantage Counsel
Viddler
Wyland Waikiki Hotel

If you purchase a Rama Warrior Meditation Chair, you receive a Free Zendi Portable Meditation Cushion.

Beach Walk 695 – Paying for the Sins of Each Other

Rox — Mon, 06 Oct 2008 10:40:35 +0000

iPod | 4:25 | To Embed or Email: click above

I got a bit distracted today but I was wanting to make a point about how we are interconnected - and that is from the "good news bad news" department. Some things others do we are stuck cleaning up. It's not right but is, is. I find the faster I can process my anger, the faster I can get to "OK now what can be done about it?" Living on an island there are all kinds of examples of where we overlap with each other and are subject to side effects of each other. Just as in the movie I saw last weekend, Flash of Genius. The Ford of today is a very different company, culture-wise, than 30 years ago, nonetheless the current management is responsible for running the show.

Here is the link to the original Coffee Club chat with retired auto executives and here is my live-streaming (rough) interview from a few weeks ago":http://qik.com/video/329708.

Here is the serenity prayer which continues to amaze me for its simplicity and accuracy.

Hawaiian Word:
Moku: island

If you purchase a Rama Warrior Meditation Chair, you receive a Free Zendi Portable Meditation Cushion.

Beach Walk 686 – Does Experience Matter?

Rox — Fri, 12 Sep 2008 10:01:46 +0000

iPod | 3:15 | To Embed or Email: click above

One of the big myths floating around is that a person's position or title is comparable to their competence. Not always true! Like me, I am sure you can think of examples. Many choices in life really do boil down to personal preferences. "Who you know" really does matter, and that is not always a bad thing. This turned out to be relevant in a discussion I was having with several other women speakers. We are all going to be presenting at BlogWorldExpo next week, where there keynote speakers are all white male. It's an old issue, but one that is not all that easy to address. It is a combination of micro and macro energies in play. We have ideals we want to play out in the macro yet change happens in the micro of person to person relationships.

The majority of the time decision-makers go with the known quantity. This is seen by some as pandering by others as smart business to fill seats. Attendees too say they want something new, but are attracted to the known and familiar too. BlogHer is a women's blogging conference, and founder Elisa Camahort prides herself in pro-attractively seeking out new voices for each event. And BlogHer is growing and growing - priving that this too is a viable business model.

Are you more attracted to familiar big names or the chance to help discover new talent?

Hawaiian Word:
ʻike: experience, to see, know, feel

Beach Walk 685 – In Support of Changemakers

Rox — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 10:01:45 +0000

iPod | 4:17 | To Embed or Email: click above

One of the profound yet not often acknowledged (by me) benefits of living in community with other people is that some choose to be the ones who go forward into the unknown, and those adventures ultimately inform and inspire the rest of us. I often think of myself as one of those explorers. Sometimes though, I feel pressure to have to always be on the front line. Today's episode honors those others who have shown me the way, especially my parents, Blanche and Bill.

Hawaiian Word:
Loli: change, transformation

Beach Walk 684 – Sorting Out Travel Energy

Rox — Wed, 10 Sep 2008 10:01:33 +0000

iPod | 3:50 | To Embed or Email: click above

Seems the more I travel the easier it is for me to get cranky. Today, a RT fare from HNL to DTW to HNL cost $700 but a one-way fare cost $1100! That is not about fuel prices...

Anyway, I am learning to just pull my aura in and focus on myself, in the midst of the madding crowds (and unruly dogs!) And curiously, after an hour or so, people are not bothering me. It's this concept of "hui hui" or blending together without actually having to interact. We get trapped into thinking other people have to change for us to be happy or content, but really, sometimes all that's necessary is to just let it be and focus inward. Have you found this works for you?

Hawaiian Word:
Hui hui: blending, comingle together

P S We are trying a new video platform: Viddler. It has a lot of cool features - you can leave a comment right in the video - or even leave a video comment! Please check it out! (You will need to create free account at Viddler to leave a video comment.) To find the vidgets page on viddler, look in the footer at the bottom of the page! Our username is "beachwalks" if you want to make a custom player to put on your web site. Thanks for sharing!

Beach Walk 677 – An Investment in Friendship

Rox — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 14:29:38 +0000

iPod | 4:03 | To Embed or Email: click on "Menu."

We are still traveling hence the light shows this week. We filmed this last week so we would all have an extra dose of beautiful Hawaii! It's about a different way of looking at love, using friendship rather than romance as the guide. Ever notice how we treat friends better than lovers, once the relationship has been around for a while? I think we sometimes expect too much of a partner, as if somehow love means losing me in favor of your wishes. This episode was inspired by something my mom told me - and her birthday is this weekend by the way. We'll be honoring her 84 years of determination and self-reliance, generosity and indeed good friendship.

Hawaiian Word:
Pilialoha friendship

Beach Walk 670 – Say No to Victim Energy

Rox — Thu, 31 Jul 2008 10:01:51 +0000

iPod | 3:31 | To Embed or Email: click on "Menu."

I ran into my friend Sally Spencer (Beach Walk 528 ) and we got to talking about the broken hearts show (Beach Walk 668) and how compelling "victim energy" can be. And also how it can weaken a person, both body and spirit. It takes a special understanding to be compassionate and encouraging at the same time, rather than slipping into pity. Pity does not empower, in my book.

Hawaiian word:
Hoʻomana: empower

Beach Walk 668 – Love Heals, Love Hurts

Rox — Tue, 29 Jul 2008 10:01:56 +0000

iPod | 4:38 | To Embed or Email: click on "Menu."

My niece broke up with her boyfriend recently. She has just graduated from college (with all kinds of honors) but unfortunately IQ does not protect you from a broken heart. Somewhere in the pain is a gift. And in the meantime, some pretty scenery to move our attention to something else.

Hawaiian word:
Lapaʻau: heal
ʻEha: hurt
Aloha: love

If you are having trouble with the iTunes version earlier this week, we fixed that. You can click on the iPod version link under the movie player and manually download the corrected version. We recommend you use the most recent version of iTunes software. But if you get a white screen on the main player, you will either want to upgrade your Flash or click on the iPod version to watch. That's required to support the in-video comments.

Beach Walk 667 – Give and Take

Rox — Mon, 28 Jul 2008 10:01:38 +0000

iPod | 3:43 | To Embed or Email: click on "Menu."

I am embarking on a plan to get more balance in my giving and taking. I've tried this before, and I keep ending up on the over-giving side of things in many areas of my life. I am realizing I have some judgment hurdles to dismantle if I am going to be successful at this. But just like exercise, it's important to work the neglected muscles, not just the favorite ones. Of give and take, which action seems easier to you?

Hawaiian word:
Hāʻawi: give
Lawe: take

Beach Walk 659 – Taking Both Sides

Rox — Wed, 09 Jul 2008 10:01:16 +0000

iPod | 3:31 | To Embed or Email: click photo, then "i", then "Share."

Do you ever give someone a compliment about something newish, and they come back with something like, "Oh, I guess that means you thought the way it used to be sucked." Or when I did the show on Get a Dog and a few men said, "Whoa, dogs are now better than men?" No dear people! I simply like to enjoy all sides, to appreciate change, without dredging up a comparison factor to the previous iteration. We are also deep into politics season in USA; lots of discussion about moving to or away from the center. Just remember, how you fight can affect things for a long time to come.

Hawaiian word:
ʻO kāua pū: you and I both

P.S. We are sorry the iPod download files have had problems recently. We did a lot of testing today and this one should work. Please let me know if you have problems!

Beach Walk 658 – Jewel in the Rough

Rox — Tue, 08 Jul 2008 10:01:42 +0000

iPod | 4:10 | To Embed or Email: click photo, then "i", then "Share."

There were mysterious rainbows coming into my kitchen a while back. I traced it, and it gave me a chance to find a jewel in the rough - literally, in my neighbors yard. She was sending me rainbows and I was sending her stink eye. How often do you think a change in action is preceeded by a shift in consciousness?

Hawaiian word:
ʻōlinolino: radiant, sparkling